Overcoming Gaslighting: Reclaim Your Mental Stability

Have you ever found yourself questioning your sanity after a conversation with your partner? You’re not alone. Many people in emotionally abusive relationships feel this way, and it’s not your fault. Well, you are not crazy. Abusers use sneaky tactics to exert control over you, dismiss your needs and escape their responsibility. When you react, they will point their finger back at you and question your sanity. This can result in you doubting your judgment and your reality. You might end up walking on eggshells, afraid to assert yourself. This is a form of psychological abuse, and its goal is to cause you mental anguish, to break you down, and to gain control over every aspect of your life. The good news is that there are ways to identify this kind of manipulation and gain tools to minimise its impact. Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy, happy relationship where your feelings and opinions are respected.

Let’s talk about recognising manipulation tactics and strategies to maintain your self-worth.

What Is Gaslighting and Why Do Abusers Use It?

Gaslighting in relationship is a form of emotional abuse in which the perpetrator manipulates the victim into doubting their own understanding of reality, their memories, and beliefs. The perpetrator might deny that something took place when it did, hold the victim responsible for the abuser’s wrongdoings, use vague or confusing language to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, or openly announce that the victim's recollection of an incident is incorrect.

Over time, this situation can lead the victim to feel as if they are losing touch with reality and going crazy. The perpetrator of the abuse remains unruffled and self-possessed, confidently narrating their own version of events while the victim struggles to work out what is actually happening. This imbalance of power enables the perpetrator to successfully carry out their manipulations and retain control.

If you can relate to this, I want you to understand that you are not crazy. The person who is abusing you, who is using falsehoods and trickery to further their own self-centred agenda is the one who is in the wrong. There are a few things you can do to try to keep yourself emotionally stable:

• Rely on your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, chances are, it isn’t.

• If it’s safe, start keeping a written record of your interactions with the person who accuses you of being crazy. When they try to twist the facts, you can look back at your notes to remind yourself of the truth. This way, you can stay grounded in reality and not get swayed by their distortions. It's a simple step that can really help maintain your sanity in these situations.

• If you can, spend time with people who love you. Share your experiences with trusted friends or a counsellor to see how things look like from their perspective.

• If you can, set firm boundaries with your ex and avoid being alone with them. Their manipulations tend to be most effective when they have your undivided attention and there are no witnesses.

The recovery from gaslighting starts with acknowledging the abuse for what it truly is. It’s abuse. Once you can recognise the lies and controlling tactics, you can begin to use your own tactics to minimise the impact of the abuse and to rebuild your sense of self-worth. As you gradually create space and distance yourself from your abuser, the confusion you are feeling now will gradually clear.

Protect yourself from gaslighting and reclaim your breath.

You’re Not Crazy- You’re Being Manipulated

Abusers use a number of strategies to make their victims seem mentally unstable. Gaslighting is one of them. It is frequently used as a tactic, and it involves manipulating someone into doubting their own sanity. The abuser might deny an event has actually occurred, shift blame onto the victim for their own actions, or insist that the victim's memory of events is faulty. Gradually, this behaviour can lead the victim to question their own opinions and memories.

Another strategy employed by abusers is isolation. The abuser will try to isolate the victim from their support system. They achieve this by restricting their contact with friends and family, making it difficult to see your friends and family, inventing reasons why you should not see them, or using jealousy or guilt to make you stay at home. All of this will make it easier for the abuser to manipulate you, and more difficult for you to recognise the abusive nature of the relationship and as a result, you will be more likely to stay with them. If possible, you should try to stay in touch with people who care about you. They will be your lifeline, confiding in trustworthy people will allow them to validate your experience and also offer a different perspective on what is happening, which could be helpful for you. 

Another tactic is lying and distorting reality, they are strong indicators of abuse. Perpetrators have the uncanny ability to deceitfully present themselves as victims. Please, refuse to believe their lies and falsehoods. Rely on your intuition instead - if something seems amiss, it likely is. Maintain a record of all your interactions with the abuser. It will create a reliable source of accurate documentation of events as well as confirmation of what actually took place for your own peace of mind.

An abuser may also use threats to inform the authorities, such as the police, social services, or courts involved in child custody battles, that you are crazy or incompetent. However, don’t allow yourself to be intimidated by these threats. Instead, seek assistance from local helplines and advocacy organisations specialised in supporting victims and survivors of abuse. Often, they can support you around finding safe accommodation and offer you access to free legal advice.

You are not insane. Any toxic relationship can cause people to feel disoriented, anxious, and emotionally dysregulated. There are measures you can adopt to ground yourself. Writing in a journal, seeking specialised counselling, and confiding in reliable sources of support can help you gain a new perspective and have a better understanding of your experience. Prioritise self-care and work on rebuilding your self-worth. You deserve to live a happy life free of abuse.

How do they get away with it?

Abusers have excellent skills in manipulating others. They skilfully fabricate falsehoods and distort reality in order to portray their victims as irrational or mentally unstable. By the time the abuse is identified, the abuser has already successfully convinced others that the victim is at fault.

As the victim, you know the truth, but the actions of the abuser have caused you to question yourself. They deliberately separate you from your loved ones, defy your perception of reality, and coerce you into hiding the abuse. As time passes, living in a perpetual state of fear and disorder will adversely affect your mental and emotional well-being. Consequently, it will become challenging for you to think clearly or logically and defend yourself, while the abuser maintains a composed and in control of his emotions.

The abuser appears stable and caring to people outside the relationship. They try to discredit the victim by spreading lies about them, saying that they are excessively emotional or mentally unstable. Unfortunately, these tactics often prove to be successful. Consequently, the abuser goes unpunished and is free to continue the cycle of abuse without facing any repercussions. However, there are measures you can take to try to regain some control over your life and what is happening to you.

Educate yourself about the dynamics of an abusive relationship, it will help you understand what is happening in your relationship. Knowledge is power. The more you understand about abuse, the less control the abuser possesses over you.

You have every right to feel safe and to be in a loving, secure relationship. Do not allow the perpetrator to manipulate you and convince you otherwise. Stay resilient, continue seeking justice, and always have faith in yourself. There are individuals and support organisations to help you through this difficult time.

What You Can Do Right Now to Protect Yourself

Once you start recognising the tactics used by the abuser, you can take steps to protect your emotional and mental well-being. First and foremost, trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. Start keeping a journal to document your encounters with the abuser. This can help you spot patterns in their behavior and get a clearer picture of your situation.

Build a support network around you. Reach out to a friend or therapist and talk about what’s going on. Getting an outside perspective can help you see things more clearly.

Set clear boundaries and assert yourself. If it’s safe, let the abuser know their behavior is unacceptable. You might say something like, "Please speak to me with respect." If they continue to insult or demean you, remove yourself from the situation. The less you interact, the fewer chances they have to abuse you.

Stay calm and composed. Avoid getting drawn into arguments with the abuser. Try to stay emotionally detached from their dramatic or manipulative behaviour and respond calmly. Don’t show intense emotions, as it might provoke further abuse. They want to make you seem irrational and unstable. Step back and think before responding. Avoid shouting, using abusive language, or making threats. Engaging in this kind of behaviour will only make you appear irrational and play into their hands.

Record everything. Keep a record of every communication, message, and any witnesses to the abuse. This will help establish a consistent behavior pattern if you need to involve the police or social services. Note down dates, times, and specific actions or words used, being as thorough and factual as possible.

You are not insane. Don’t let the abuser convince you otherwise. Set your boundaries, establish limits, reduce interactions, and seek help if necessary. You can safeguard your mental and emotional health.

You might have the feeling that you are going crazy, but that is not the case. What you’re experiencing is the aftermath of psychological abuse, which can warp your thoughts and lead to self-doubt. By seeking help, setting clear boundaries, trusting your intuition, and acknowledging your own experiences, you can overcome the effects of the abuse, restore your self-confidence, and regain your mental stability.

There is support available. Use these resources, as you deserve to feel safe and happy. The first step could be finding a friend or counsellor you feel comfortable being open and honest with.

Conclusion

Please understand that, despite the gaslighting making you feel crazy or unstable, you are not. The abuser intentionally uses psychological tactics to undermine and deflect responsibility so stop questioning your sanity. Instead, seek support from a counsellor or domestic violence services to gain the necessary tools and develop an escape plan. You deserve genuine happiness and peace. Stay resilient in the face of manipulation, because things will improve. By opening up, you'll get the help you need and also help others, contributing to breaking the cycle of abuse, starting with yourself.

Do you feel overwhelmed by gaslighting and manipulation? Let’s work through it together. Book a consultation with me today to start reclaiming your sense of self.

Know someone who might benefit from reading this? Share it with them and help spread awareness.

References:

Arabi, S. (2016). Becoming the narcissist's nightmare: How to devalue and discard the narcissist while supplying yourself. Createspace Independent Publishing Platform.

Covert, D. T. (2019). Divorcing and healing from a narcissist: Emotional and narcissistic abuse recovery. Co-parenting after an emotionally destructive marriage and splitting up with a toxic ex. Independently Published.

Durvasula, R. (2015). Should I stay or should I go?: Surviving a relationship with a narcissist. Post Hill Press.