Are you suffering from Relationship Anxiety?

This worry can be a result of rejection, abandonment or feeling insecure. Your mind might be filled with doubts about how your partner feels about you, constantly looking for reassurance and overanalysing everything.

Understanding Relationship Anxiety

Many people suffer from relationship anxiety at different points in their relationships. Understanding why you have relationship anxiety can help you recognise the signs of it which will help you work on making your relationship healthier and happier.

What Causes Relationship Anxiety?

Being afraid of abandonment is a major cause behind the anxious feeling you might experience in your relationships. This fear might stem from bad experiences in the past such as childhood traumas, losing a parent, or going through difficult breakups. When you fear that your partner will leave you it can make you act clingy and jealous and continuously expect declarations of love.

Having low self-esteem is another one. If you struggle with feelings of being not good enough, it is possible that you may not feel worthy of being in a relationship with your partner. This belief can also create doubts about the future of your relationship. If you feel insecure you might compare yourself to others and how their relationships are, overthink every little thing and continuously crave declarations of love.

Past experiences, such as emotional or physical abuse, infidelity or feelings of abandonment, can shape how you are with your current partner in a relationship. Past traumas can result in deep fears and mistrust of others, making it difficult to feel safe and secure in a relationship.  

Attachment styles matter a lot too. How your caregivers treated you as a child affects how you behave in romantic relationships. People who have anxious attachment styles might rely heavily on their partners for support, constantly demand reassurances and get worried whenever their partner goes away.

Perfectionism can also be a major factor. When someone feels they need to have a perfect relationship, it can lead to anxiety. People who set high expectations for themselves or their partners may constantly worry about not living up to those standards. This pressure can lead to self-doubt and anxiety, making it difficult to enjoy the relationship. 

Communication problems can exacerbate relationship anxiety as well. If you struggle to express your needs, concerns, or feelings openly, it can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. Breakdown in communication can create feelings of isolation and fear, increasing anxiety within the relationship. 

External stressors, like job pressures, financial issues, or family disputes, can also intensify relationship anxiety. These outside challenges can distract you from focusing on your relationship, leading to feelings of instability and being overwhelmed. The ongoing stress from these sources can intensify feelings of anxiety and insecurity in the partnership. 

The effects of relationship anxiety can be significant. It can take a toll on mental health and the overall dynamics of the relationship. Emotional pain, reduced intimacy, and communication difficulties are common. Those dealing with relationship anxiety may struggle with trust, engage in frequent arguments, and constantly seek reassurance, which can put a strain on the relationship.

The Impact of Relationship Anxiety

Relationship anxiety can affect your mental health and how your relationship functions. It can cause emotional pain, less closeness, and difficulty communicating. People with relationship anxiety may also have trouble trusting, argue often, and constantly seek reassurance, which can strain the relationship.

Dealing with relationship anxiety involves being aware of yourself, communicating openly, and sometimes getting professional help. Joining therapy as a couple, seeking counselling alone, or attending support groups can help manage anxiety and create a stronger, healthier relationship.

If you think you are experiencing relationship anxiety and are looking to improve your romantic life it is important to understand what causes your relationship anxiety.

Trying to figure out the root causes of your relationship anxiety can help you grow in your relationship. If you can recognise what's causing your anxiety, you can start taking steps toward healing and establishing long-lasting, loving relationships.

Signs of relationship anxiety

Relationship anxiety can show up in different ways. It's normal to feel a bit insecure in the early stages of a relationship, but if it starts to impact you significantly, that's when you need to pay attention. For example, a common sign of relationship anxiety is wondering if you truly matter to your partner and if they will be there for you when you need them or worrying that your partner wouldn't care if you weren't around, or that they're only interested in you for what you can do for them.

Maybe they’re not super touchy-feely, or they take forever to reply to your messages, or suddenly they seem a bit aloof, making you question if their feelings for you have shifted.

Having doubts about your long-term compatibility can make you wonder if you are truly meant for each other, even when everything seems fine. You might fixate on small differences, like musical preferences, and blow them out of proportion.

Feeling anxious about our relationship all the time can become a problem, especially if you start changing your behaviour around your partner. You might avoid bringing up important issues, like being late often or overlooking things that bother you. This might result in you feeling resentful towards your partner and the relationship might actually deteriorate.

Everyone experiences these doubts at times, but they can become an obsession if you struggle with relationship anxiety and it might be sensible to address it so you can go on to have a satisfying relationship. It's all about wanting to feel connected, valued, and secure in the relationship.

Sabotaging behaviours might have roots in relationship anxiety.

Signs of sabotage in our relationship could include picking fights with your partner, pretending everything is alright when you are upset, and crossing boundaries like meeting up with an ex without telling your partner. You might not do these things on purpose, but subconsciously, you might be trying to see how much your partner cares about you. For example, if they resist your attempts to push them away, you may see it as a sign of their love for you. However, it can be difficult for your partner to understand this hidden agenda.

Reading into their words and actions

Overanalysing your partner's words and actions can indicate relationship anxiety. For example, if they avoid holding hands or refuse to get rid of their old furniture when you move in together, you believe that this might hint at underlying problems. However, it's possible that they simply have sweaty hands or have a strong attachment to their furniture.

Missing out on the good times

Still not sure if you have relationship anxiety? Ask yourself if you spend more time worrying about your relationship than enjoying it. It's normal to worry during tough times, but if it's a constant feeling and you find yourself unable to enjoy the good times in your relationship then you might have relationship anxiety.

Seeking frequent reassurance

Constantly seeking approval and reassurance from your partner may indicate anxiety issues. Although it is normal to seek reassurance occasionally, especially after a disagreement, needing it constantly could indicate deeper problems.

People-pleasing

When one partner prioritises the happiness of the other over their own needs and boundaries, such as by suppressing their own thoughts and feelings, it can cause anxiety within the relationship and result in codependent behaviour that may not be beneficial for a strong relationship.

Looking for problems

Trying to understand the hidden messages in everything your partner says and does can be tiring. Trust is really important in a relationship. If there is no trust, it could show that there is anxiety in the relationship.

Fear of abandonment

One common sign of relationship anxiety is a constant fear that your partner will leave you. It can be very overwhelming and debilitating. It's important to recognise these signs so you can understand your true feelings. Rather than ignoring or judging your emotions, it's better to acknowledge, understand, and address them.

If you struggle with relationship anxiety, you might find yourself avoiding situations where you fear judgment or rejection from your partner. Unfortunately, this defensive behaviour might actually exacerbate your feelings of loneliness and worthlessness. It could also hinder you from building close relationships and taking part in social activities that are vital for your emotional well-being.

This fear of rejection can give rise to destructive behaviour and result in conflicts within your relationships. Additionally, it can cause emotional stress, fatigue, and a loss of interest in activities that used to bring you joy.

The constant dread of your partner leaving can be crippling and is a common indicator of relationship anxiety. Recognising these signs is vital because it allows you to connect with your true feelings. Remember, it's important to acknowledge, understand, and address your emotions rather than judging, undermining, or avoiding them.

Understanding the Impact of Anxiety on Relationships

How Anxiety Can Affect the Relationship Dynamics

Anxiety can have a big impact on how relationships work. It can lead to clinginess, neediness, and constant reassurance-seeking, which can overwhelm your partner. Equally, it can also cause withdrawal and avoidance of intimacy, leading to a lack of connection.

Feeling too dependent and always seeking reassurance might make your partner feel overwhelmed. It can also lead you to withdraw and avoid closeness, leaving you feeling abandoned and unloved.

If relationship anxiety is left unaddressed, it can lead to several negative outcomes, including more arguments and misunderstandings, feeling emotionally disconnected, separation or divorce, and mental health issues for both people in the relationship.

Can you overcome it?

Relationship anxiety can be overcome with time and effort, even though it may not seem like it at the moment. Just telling yourself that your relationship will be fine may not be enough.

Seeing a therapist might be helpful. They can help you work through your feelings and examine if your anxiety indicates a deeper problem in the relationship. Tackling these feelings early on might prevent them from becoming a bigger problem.

Feeling anxious in a relationship is common, and it's okay to take some time to find your comfort zone. Here are a few tips to help you navigate this:

Stay true to yourself. As your relationship develops, you might notice changes in yourself and your independence as you adjust to being part of a couple. Some changes may not faze you, while others might have a bigger impact. It's important to remember that losing your sense of self or changing to please your partner isn't healthy for either of you.

Chances are, your partner was drawn to you for who you are, so it's crucial to remain authentic. Plus, they might feel like they're losing the person they fell in love with if you start hiding parts of yourself to keep the relationship going.

Try being more mindful. Mindfulness practices mean paying attention to what is happening right now without judging. When negative thoughts arise, you recognise them and then let them pass by. This can be helpful when you are constantly thinking negative thoughts and worrying about the state of your relationship. It can also assist you in prioritising your experiences with your partner.

Remember, your relationship may not last forever, but you can still cherish and enjoy it in the present.

Practice effective communication. Relationship anxiety typically originates in your mind and may not be related to your partner. If you're feeling anxious about something specific, like when your partner uses their phone during conversations or avoids family gatherings, it's good to talk about it calmly and without blaming anyone.

Pro tip: Using "I" statements can really help in these kinds of conversations.

Instead of saying "You seem so distant lately and it's bothering me," try saying "I feel like there's some distance between us, and it makes me think you're pulling away because your feelings have changed."

It's totally okay to share what's on your mind and how you're dealing with things. Getting some reassurance from your partner may not completely take away your worries, but it can definitely help. Plus, opening up about your emotions can actually bring you closer together.

Try not to let your feelings drive your actions

When you're feeling anxious about your relationship or your partner, it's normal to seek reassurance that everything is okay. It's natural to seek comfort, but it's important to avoid trying to get reassurance in ways that are unhelpful or harmful.

Notice the difference between your typical actions and impulsive behaviours. While regular texting in a relationship is common and can strengthen the bond, bombarding your partner with multiple texts in an hour asking where they are and what they're doing when you know they are with friends can cause problems.

When you feel the need for reassurance, try to divert your attention by taking deep breaths, going for a walk or run, or reaching out to a close friend.

Talk to a therapist

If you're finding it tough to deal with relationship anxiety on your own, having a chat with a therapist can help provide a clearer perspective.

A couples therapist can really make a difference. They can help you better understand each other's feelings and needs, while also teaching you both how to support one another without judgment. Plus, therapy doesn't have to be a long-term commitment – even just one session can make a big difference for couples struggling with relationship anxiety.

It's also a great way to learn how to cope with the effects of relationship anxiety.

Final thoughts

Dealing with relationship anxiety is tough, but it's totally normal. It can really take a toll on your overall well-being and the health of your relationship. If you can figure out what's causing your anxiety and how it's affecting you, and then learn how to deal with it, you can tackle your fears head-on and make your relationship even stronger and healthier. Just remember that reaching out to a professional for help shows courage, not weakness. By addressing your anxiety, you can really make a positive impact on your relationship with your partner.

Take care!