Feeling Empty Inside: Understanding Emotional Emptiness

Have you ever felt like something is missing inside of you? Maybe it’s a hollow feeling in your stomach or chest, a sense that something isn’t quite right. A feeling of disconnection from others. For some, this emptiness comes and goes. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Most people experience emptiness at one time or another, but it doesn't necessarily mean they will seek help. Emptiness is harder to put into words than anxiety or depression. It isn't a disorder, and it doesn't disrupt your daily lives in an obvious way, like depression would for example. But it lingers, subtly impacting the way you feel.

So, what causes this emptiness? How do you deal with it? Let discover the causes of emotional emptiness. How it affects your life and why therapy plays such an important role in coping with these feelings.

A sculpture that captures the essence of emotional emptiness - reflecting the hollow feeling that can accompany unresolved trauma and loss.

What does emotional emptiness look like? 

First, let’s define emotional emptiness. Since it’s not considered a disorder, it doesn’t come with a list of tick-able symptoms. People who experience emotional emptiness usually report a mix of physical and emotional sensations.

They might feel:

Physical emptiness in the stomach or chest, a feeling of hollowness inside that comes and goes.

Emotional numbness, a feeling that they are not connected to their emotions. They might find it difficult to recognise and name their emotions. It makes it hard for them to feel fully engaged or to enjoy their lives.

Feeling of "being on the outside" like they cannot feel something everyone else can. This might be joy or a sense of connection to others.

A nagging feeling of unease, sadness or sometimes even terror. This can be a more constant feeling.

If the above resonates with you, you may be feeling emotional emptiness. But what causes it? And why some experience it more than others?

Emotional Emptiness and Its Roots in Childhood

Emotional emptiness often begins in childhood, it is related to how our parents or caregivers expressed emotional care. It isn't always the result of neglect or abuse; even good parents can miss a child's emotional needs.

Emotional neglect occurs when a child's emotional needs aren't met, even though their physical needs are. This often has a lasting effect.

For example, if a child is raised in an environment where their feelings are ignored or dismissed, they may learn to suppress their feelings to fit in or as a way of avoiding conflict.

Over time, suppressing feelings can lead to emotional numbness. This child will become used to not expressing their feelings.

Here are some signs of emotional neglect in childhood:

• Parents ignore or minimise your feelings. If you were constantly dismissed as a child, you may have learned to hide how you feel. After all, your feeling weren’t important. As an adult, this would make it difficult for you to connect with your feelings.

• Emotional needs are neglected. If your parents didn’t comfort you when you were sad or celebrate your successes, you might have internalised the message that how you feel doesn’t matter. This can lead to emotional suppression.

• Parents focus more on behaviour than emotions. In some families, good behaviour is valued more than emotional intelligence. If your parents prioritised your behaviour over your feelings, you may not have learned to understand your emotions.

This form of neglect is often subtle and unintentional. Many parents do their best with the knowledge they have, but its impact on the child can still be profound.

Growing Up in an Abusive Family

Children who grow up in abusive homes are particularly vulnerable to feelings of emptiness or numbness. In abusive homes, children learn that it is not safe to show emotions. They learn early on to hide their feelings such as fear, sadness or anger just to survive.

This can lead to a profound disconnection from their emotions. A childhood marred by abuse can create life-long difficulties in feeling emotionally intact as adults. Children who are raised in these homes often live in a state of hyper-vigilance, where survival is more important than emotional literacy.

Emotional numbness which serves as a coping mechanism during the early years, often extends into adulthood. This numbness makes it difficult to connect with yourself and with others.

Feelings of shame and worthlessness are common in children who grew up in abusive families. Their parents would often belittle or criticise them and they end up internalising it resulting in a sense of shame and feelings of worthlessness.

The emotional scars from abusive childhood often persist for a long time, making it difficult to experience happiness or fulfilment in adulthood. They also make it difficult to build meaningful relationships and form close bonds with others.

Emotional Emptiness and Abusive Relationships

People who were, who are, in abusive relationships often experience emotional exhaustion, disconnection or numbness. Regardless whether the abuse is physical, emotional or psychological, it can severly damage a your self-esteem, leaving you feeling emotionally empty.

The trauma of an abusive relationship can create an emotional void:

• Surviving by shutting down emotions. Ongoing threats and terror within an abusive relationship can cause you to shut down your emotions. When expressing emotions can lead to punishment or manipulation, it is safer to be numb. Over time, the numbing of feelings becomes a default coping mechanism, resulting in difficulties in recognising and expressing your emotions and feelings of emptiness.

• Losing your identity. Abuse can destroy your sense of self. The abuser dictates how you feel and what you do, which will make you lose touch with your emotional needs and feelings.

• Feeling disconnected from others. Abuse isolates you from your friends and family, making it difficult to return to normal life and reconnect with your old friends after you leave the abusive relationship. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and disconnection.

Escaping an abusive relationship is the beginning of healing, but the feeling of emptiness will not disappear without the help of mental health professionals. Counselling can be extremely helpful in repairing the emotional damage caused by abuse.

The Connection Between Trauma and Emotional Emptiness

Emotional emptiness can be caused by trauma or neglect. Trauma during childhood or adulthood deeply affects the way you feel about yourself and the surrounding world.

Everyone handles trauma differently, but the many say they feel numb or detached from their emotions or other people. This sense of disconnect is a defence mechanism that allows you to cope with difficult situations. But it can also lead to ongoing feelings of emptiness or numbness.

Recovering from Trauma-Related Emptiness

Healing from emotional emptiness that is caused by trauma is a slow process. Counselling plays a vital role here. It provides you with a space to navigate through past hurts, reconnect with your emotions, and repair your sense of self.

Counselling can support healing in several important ways:

• Processing the trauma. Therapy helps you work through traumatic experiences, whether it is a talk therapy, ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) or EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing). These modalities help to reduce the impact of trauma, allowing you to process it in a safer way.

• Reconnecting with your emotions. Therapy provides you with a safe space to reconnect with your emotions. It may take a while, but it is necessary to heal the emotional numbness and bring back emotional balance into your life.

• Setting healthy boundaries. Counselling can help you establish healthy boundaries, which is especially helpful for people who left abusive relationships. Establishing boundaries protects your well-being without removing emotional connection with others.

• Developing self-compassion. Trauma makes you feel bad about yourself, it leaves you with a sense of shame and feelings of unworthiness. Counselling can help you develop more self-compassion, and teach you how to treat yourself with kindness and care. With time, hopefully your feelings of emptiness will be replaced by a renewed sense of self-worth and fulfilment.

• Reconnecting with others. Trauma can leave you feeling disconnected from others and from life itself, but counselling can help you rebuilt those connections. Talking about your experiences in one-to-one therapy or groups can alleviate feelings of emptiness and give you a sense of belonging.

The Road to Recovery

Abuse causes deep emotional wounds, they might manifest as feelings of emptiness or numbness. These are natural responses to harm. However, with the right kind of help, such as therapy, you can heal, restore a sense of connection to your feelings, and discover a new sense of self.

If you are ready to talk, you can contact me at:

kat@SafeSpaceCounsellingServices.com.au

or call me on 0452 285 526