Unveiling the Reality: Domestic Violence in the Shadows of the Holidays
For many Aussies, Christmas is a holiday of sunshine and surf at the beach, backyard barbecues, the aroma of sizzling prawns on the barbie and kids playing in the pool. It is a time of catching up with friends and family, having a cold beer under the Southern Cross, and soaking up love and closeness, literally and figuratively.
For others, however, the season of joy is one of dread. Behind the façade of Christmas cheer, domestic violence often escalates, leaving many people feeling trapped and isolated at a time when help seems furthest away.
Christmas joy isn't universal.
Why the Holidays Can Escalate Risk
The holiday season can create unique challenges that may lead to a rise in domestic abuse, often in ways that are not obvious to other people.
Financial Stress During the Holidays
Christmas often brings pressure to provide big meals, gifts, and festive activities, which can feel overwhelming for families facing financial hardship. Rising living costs, mounting Christmas debt, and limited resources make an already tense environment explosive. In abusive relationships, financial control is often a major form of manipulation, and these added money pressures can worsen the situation. A controlling partner may become more aggressive, while the other partner may feel stuck, trying to keep up appearances for their children’s or relatives’ sake.
In the long term, people stuck in abusive relationships often feel they have no way out, with economic dependency tightening the grip of control.
Isolation and Limited Support
Holidays are usually considered the most valuable time to spend with family and friends. In reality, however, many people feel even lonelier at this time of year. People in abusive relationships who have been cut off from their support networks feel even more isolated during holidays.
Schools are closed during the summer holiday, removing a safe place and routine for children. Many workplaces are closed or have shortened hours during holidays, so victims have fewer opportunities to reach out for help or simply get respite.
Domestic violence support services may reduce hours or close for holidays, which can limit the options available for those seeking safety. Additionally, friends and family may not always be reachable. This situation can leave people trying to escape a dangerous environment with few opportunities, leaving them isolated and making it harder to find a safe place.
Alcohol and Substance Misuse
During the holidays, drinking socially can escalate abusive behaviours. Alcohol often triggers heated arguments or violence in families. People tend to drink more at holiday parties and gatherings. If there is abuse already occurring at home, alcohol can intensify aggressive or controlling behaviours. While alcohol itself doesn't cause domestic violence, it can increase the risk by lowering inhibitions.
Social Expectations
The expectation to have a “perfect Christmas” can push abusive dynamics to breaking point. Imagine being told to smile for family photos while hiding bruises - physical or emotional - and pretending everything is fine.
Family Dynamics
Family reunions during the holiday season can act as triggers for domestic violence. Extended family dynamics often play a complex role—some members may provide protection and support, while others may inadvertently exacerbate tensions. In some cases, family members may trivialize or normalize the abuse, leaving victims feeling silenced or invalidated. Extended time spent together can also amplify unresolved conflicts or dysfunctional relationship patterns, creating a breeding ground for heightened emotions, stress, and, tragically, violence
These factors create a perfect storm. As a therapist, I see a sharp rise in enquiries during this time as people desperately search for clarity, support, or even just a safe space to figure out their options. The stories they share often speak to the crushing disappointment of a holiday season meant to bring joy but instead filled with fear and pain.
How Domestic Violence Impacts Children
Domestic violence doesn’t just affect the person being abused - it impacts everyone in the home, especially children.
Christmas is meant to be magical for children - a time of laughter, excitement, and cherished memories. For children living in abusive households, it’s often the opposite. Instead of laughing about Santa’s arrival, kids might worry about their parents fighting. Instead of joy, they experience fear, uncertainty, and sadness. Instead of feeling safe, they’re on edge, trying to avoid any actions that might “set someone off.”
I’ve heard clients describe how their children would shrink into the corners of the room as arguments erupted. One woman told me her child still flinches whenever someone raises their voice, years after they left the abusive environment. These aren’t the memories that should define a child’s Christmas.
When schools close, children lose the safety net of supportive teachers and friends. Summer holidays mean months at home, witnessing or experiencing harm with little escape. For children in these environments, the impact can be lifelong - eroding their sense of security and shaping how they perceive love and relationships.
These experiences can have long-term consequences, affecting their mental health, sense of self-worth, and ability to form healthy relationships later in life.
Extended family also feels the strain. Loved ones might sense something is wrong but feel powerless to intervene, afraid of making things worse or alienating the victim.
Abusive partners often use family gatherings to assert dominance by belittling their partner or manipulating the situation to make them sound irrational and keep them isolated.
This causes a pattern of silence where family members feel torn between wanting to help and being afraid of what might happen if they do. The consequences of domestic abuse spread out, affecting not only the person experiencing it but also their family and community as a whole.
Emma’s Journey
One of the women I worked with last year shared her sad experience of Christmas. The things that came to a head on Christmas Eve had been built up through years of emotional abuse: threats, intimidation, and aggression. On that day, her husband left the house, saying he was suicidal because she had “cheated on him”, he returned a few hours later still full of rage
The next morning, he berated her in front of their children, calling her “useless” and a “whore” after she burned part of the Christmas lunch. He threw a plate across the room, destroyed some of the Christmas decorations, and smashed the children’s presents. He screamed, “You can thank your mum for that!”
She felt trapped and terrified and couldn’t leave the house. Her husband drank heavily throughout the day, and his verbal abuse continued into the evening. She felt she had nowhere to go and couldn’t confide in anyone close to her. After Christmas, she decided to reach out to me. Together, we worked on a safety plan; I connected her with emergency accommodation and a local domestic abuse service. She told me that having someone listen without judgment felt like the first breath of air after being underwater. While her journey is ongoing, she now has hope for a future free from fear.
Recognising the Signs
Domestic violence doesn’t stop for Christmas, and neither should our awareness of it. The signs might be subtle, but they’re often there if you know what to look for. Abuse doesn’t always leave physical scars - much of it is emotional, psychological, or financial. During the holidays, the signs may appear subtle but significant if you’re paying attention.
While each situation is different, here are some potential signs that a loved one might be in an abusive relationship:
Emotional Cues. A loved one may seem unusually anxious or withdrawn, smiling through gritted teeth or avoiding eye contact during family events.
Defensiveness. They might downplay their partner’s behaviour, offering excuses or nervously laughing off concerning or inappropriate incidents.
Isolation. Someone who once loved holiday traditions might suddenly pull back, avoiding gatherings or cutting conversations short. They might cancel plans at the last minute without a clear explanation or become suddenly difficult to reach.
Tension. Watch for signs of hyper-vigilance, like someone constantly checking their phone or nervously glancing at their partner.
Absentmindedness. They might seem preoccupied, as though they’re walking on eggshells or constantly monitoring their partner’s reactions.
These might be signs of significant issues in the relationship and an opportunity for you to gently offer support. If this sounds familiar, don’t ignore it. A simple conversation could open the door to them seeking help.
How We Can All Make a Difference
Breaking the cycle of abuse this holiday season starts with being aware and showing compassion. For someone living in an abusive relationship, the most important thing is to know that they are not alone.
If you suspect someone may be at risk, do not wait for them to ask for help. You might begin an important conversation just by asking: "How are things really going?".
And if you're suffering domestic abuse yourself, remember that support is available any time of the year. Asking for help does not show weakness; it shows strength as you fight for your safety and peace.
If you suspect someone is suffering abuse this holiday season, let them know you're there for them. You can simply say, "Are you okay? I'm here to listen." Instead of judging or pressuring them, just being a comforting presence can make a big difference.
And if you're living with domestic violence yourself, please remember that help is available. Reaching out is a sign of incredible strength, not weakness.
For Friends and Family
Listen Without Judgment. Create a safe space for honest conversation
Offer Practical Support This might mean a safe place to stay, financial assistance, or help to create a safety plan
Respect Their Choices. Understand that leaving an abusive relationship is complex and dangerous
Stay Connected. Consistent support can be a lifeline
A System Under Pressure
During the holiday season, charities across Australia report a surge in domestic violence inquiries. Police callouts skyrocket, overwhelming frontline responders with family violence incidents. For victims, accessing help can often feel impossible.
Many people believe that therapy is too expensive and is the first thing they sacrifice when money is tight. However, for many of my clients, having a safe place to discuss their experiences is extremely valuable. Therapy helps them heal from trauma, improve their self-esteem, and create a plan for the future.
As a therapist, I witness a sharp increase in inquiries first-hand. People come to me in December and January, not always ready to leave but needing to explore their options. They tell of crushing disappointment, ruined hopes for a peaceful holiday, and their fears that their children are growing up in a home filled with violence and despair.
At the same time, I hear that family law firms report an increase in domestic violence cases at the beginning of the new year.
Moving Forward
The holidays can be a painful time for those facing domestic violence, but there is always a chance that things will get better. Whether it’s asking for support, helping a friend or noticing the warning signs, we can all help break the cycle.
Christmas is often seen as a time of joy and bonding, but for those who feel trapped and scared, the greatest gift we can give is understanding and a reminder that support is out there.
Hope for a Safer Tomorrow
While the holidays can be particularly challenging, they don’t define your future. With the right support, you can move forward with your life. Recognising the signs of domestic abuse and offering help can break the silence and bring light into the lives of those affected during this difficult time.
No one should spend the holidays alone or in fear. Everyone deserves love, safety and respect - not just at Christmas, but every day of the year.
The Importance of Support
If you or someone you know is in danger, reach out for help. Local charities, women’s shelters and domestic violence hotlines are also available over the Christmas period. For children in abusive environments, breaking the cycle creates a better future. For victims of abuse, seeking help is one of the bravest steps towards safety and healing.
This Christmas, let’s embody the true spirit of the season: compassion, connection and caring for one another. Remember:
Healing takes time, and that’s okay
Support can come in many forms
Every small step matters
You deserve safety, respect, and love
The holidays can be a turning point - a time to regain strength, find support and embark on a journey of healing. You are not alone.
Final Thoughts
Over the holidays, let us treat each other with kindness, understanding and a determination to break the cycle of violence. Showing support, even in small ways, can have a huge impact on someone's life.
Remember, you are not on your own. You are important. You deserve to feel safe and respected.
Support and Resources
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, there is help available. Reach out to:
1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 (24/7 support and referrals)
Police: Call 000 in an emergency
DVConnect (Queensland): Call 1800 811 811 for crisis support and emergency accommodation.
Safe Steps (Victoria): Call 1800 015 188 for confidential help and safety planning.
NSW Domestic Violence Line: 1800 656 463. They provide 24/7 support for people experiencing domestic and family violence
Domestic Violence Crisis Line (DVCL; South Australia): 1800 800 098. They provide support for women and children experiencing domestic and family violence.
Darwin Aboriginal and Islander Women's Shelter (Northern Territory): 08 8945 2284. It offers safe and culturally appropriate services for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander women who are homeless or escaping family violence.
Sexual Assault Referral Centre (Darwin): 08 8922 6472. Provides crisis support for women in the Darwin region, 24 hours a day.
Family Violence Counselling and Support Service (Tasmania): 1800 608 122. Offers support and counselling for individuals affected by family violence.
If you feel ready to take the next step, contact me at Safe Space Counselling Services. I provide compassionate support for women navigating trauma, grief, and emotional challenges. Let’s work together to create a brighter future.
Book your session today by calling 0452 285 526 or emailing kat@safespacecounsellingservices.com.au.
