Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships: Navigating New Year's Resolutions
Happy New Year, Everyone! As we welcome 2025, I wish you a year of healing, self-discovery, and inner peace. This is when we set our resolutions and think about the changes we want to make in the upcoming year. We say: “This year, I will let go of what holding me back”.
But for those recovering from toxic relationships, this "new year, new me" mentality can feel daunting. The decision to make New Year's resolutions - such as leaving a toxic partner or breaking free from unhealthy cycles - may seem straightforward at first. But it is a complex process. Healing is not just about making resolutions; it’s about breaking cycles, navigating a long-term journey of emotional recovery, setting healthy boundaries, and rebuilding yourself. This takes time, patience, and, above all, a lot of self-compassion.
The Emotional Struggle after Leaving a Toxic Relationship
After experiencing abuse - whether it is emotional, physical, psychological or other – the idea of simply "moving on" can feel overwhelming. You may believe that it will be straightforward to follow your New Year's resolution to remove a toxic person from your life in the hope of making a positive change. But the reality is that breaking the cycle of abuse entails more than just severing the ties. It involves working through the trauma you experienced.
Please don’t underestimate the emotional bonds that develop during the relationship, because they can be incredibly strong. You may think, “I’m done with this” and believe it. You know the relationship has not been good for you and that it's time to move on. However, you may still feel a strong urge to get back together with the person. It's as if something is pulling you back to the person who hurt you so much. This is where traumatic bonding comes into play: While your mind is screaming for you to leave the relationship, your emotions and maybe even your body are often still connected to the relationship in a way that makes it nearly impossible for you to follow through on your resolution.
Why Do You Keep Going Back?
The feelings that compel you to return to your abusive ex have deep psychological roots that have often developed over time. This is especially true if you have experienced emotional trauma, such as being in an abusive relationship for an extended period of time. Understanding why you feel drawn to return requires deep self-reflection and insight. True, lasting change can only happen when you address these underlying emotional patterns and commit to personal healing.
Emotional Attachment and Trauma Bonds
Trauma bonds are intense emotional attachments that develop through constant cycles of abuse and reconciliation. These relationships can become addictive, with moments of happiness followed by feelings of despair at the manipulation and control you endure. This pattern often leads to addiction to the abuser.
Your mind and body become accustomed to these emotional highs and lows. Even when you want to leave the relationship, your body still craves the good moments in the abusive cycle. The relationship, no matter how damaging, feels familiar. It becomes a comfort zone for your brain, even if it is harmful to your mental well-being.
It’s not about being weak or naïve, it’s about recognising the dynamics behind it. Healing from trauma takes time, patience and a change in the way you react to your emotional triggers.
Fear of the Unknown
Ending a toxic relationship involves more than just breaking up with someone; it also means confronting an uncertain future. The relationship played a big role in your life. Moving forward means entering a new and unknown phase, which can feel daunting. You might also worry about being alone or what lies ahead, making it harder to let go of the old relationship.
Shame and Self-Doubt
Shame is a major factor that keeps people stuck in abusive relationships. After years of manipulation or emotional abuse, you might think that you are not worthy of love. This is not true, but this kind of thinking can become deeply rooted, affecting how you see yourself and your worth. You may also feel ashamed about going back to your abuser, which can increase feelings of guilt and self-blame, making it harder to break free.
Healing is not just about leaving; it’s about rebuilding your self-esteem and creating a more compassionate relationship with yourself. This requires you to challenge those negative thoughts and recognise your true worth, your kindness, and your strength.
Breaking Free from the Cycle of Abuse
Recovering from an abusive relationship requires more than New Year resolutions - it takes deliberate effort and finding the right support. It is a deliberate approach that prioritises emotional recovery, setting boundaries, rediscovering yourself, and changing how you relate to yourself and others.
Create New, Healthy Boundaries
When you choose to leave a toxic relationship, one of the best ways to protect yourself and move forward with your life is to establish boundaries.
Boundaries are an essential part of your self-care. They help you protect your peace and restore a sense of safety, particularly after leaving an abusive relationship where you were ignored or invalidated. When you establish clear boundaries, you protect yourself from further manipulation, control and harm.
The most important boundary after leaving an abusive relationship is physical distance - this often means no contact or very limited, controlled communication. Contacting an abusive partner can reopen old wounds, trigger emotional responses, and pull you back into harmful cycles. Whether you limit your interactions, block them on social media, or change your communication channels, it is all about prioritising your safety.
Boundaries aren’t just about interactions with others; they are also about how you treat yourself. Healing from a toxic relationship involves learning to protect yourself emotionally. Set boundaries around your inner dialogue by not indulging in self-criticism, shame, or guilt about leaving. Emotional boundaries mean challenging your negative thoughts and practising self-compassion. You can allow yourself to feel anger, sadness, or pain without letting those emotions control you.
You may also need to set boundaries around who you let into your life. Surround yourself with people who respect you and show you empathy. Avoid those who undermine your progress or push you back to unhealthy relationship dynamics.
In the end, boundaries are about reclaiming your life and prioritising your well-being. They aren’t walls meant to shut out the world but bridges to a healthier, more peaceful existence. By creating this space, you allow yourself to heal, grow, and move forward.
Embrace the Healing Process
Healing is not about being perfect or never wanting to reach out to an ex or someone who caused you pain. It involves recognising these emotions, understanding their origins, and choosing how to respond. Healing means accepting that it's normal to have mixed emotions while you progress.
What matters is how you handle these feelings. Each action you take, like setting boundaries, asking for help, or acknowledging your feelings, is part of your recovery process. These steps, whether large or small, help you tap into your inner strength and reshape your life on your own terms.
Healing happens together: Support is strength.
Seek Support and Build a Safety Net Around Yourself
Trauma recovery is a journey best taken with support. You don't have to go through the process on your own. Find a trauma-informed therapist who can help you sort through your feelings and experiences and guide you through the recovery process. You may also find a support group, trusted friends or family, or a compassionate community that can give you the safety, empathy, and understanding you deserve.
The Power of Trauma-Informed Therapy
Recovery from trauma is rarely a linear process; it takes time, patience and support.
One way to guide your healing process is to work with a therapist who is familiar with trauma. Trauma-informed therapy focuses on empathy, respect and an understanding of how trauma affects your entire being - body, mind and spirit. Trauma can leave you feeling disconnected, overwhelmed and insecure, but with the right support, healing is possible.
A trauma-informed therapist not only listens but also creates a safe and supportive space for you to explore youryour own pace. We know that trauma can manifest itself in different ways and affect your feelings, relationships, and self-esteem. Our most important goal is for you to feel heard, understood, experiences at and never judged. We support you in restoring your confidence in yourself and strengthening your sense of safety.
Trauma-informed therapy is not about "overcoming" trauma but about engaging in a healing process that acknowledges and validates your experiences. Together we will work on your coping strategies and thought patterns and help you reconnect with your feelings and body. The healing process can have ups and downs, but I want to give you the reassurance that you can regain control and rediscover the person you are meant to be.
The importance of support
Working with a trauma-informed therapist is very helpful, but it's also important that you surround yourself with people who care about you and support you. You don’t have to go through this alone - family, friends and support groups can be an important part of your recovery.
Support groups, especially those that focus on trauma or certain types of abuse, can create a strong sense of connection. You will likely meet others who have faced similar issues and who can support you with empathy, shared experiences and words of encouragement. Listening to their stories can help you feel less isolated and take away some of the shame that often accompanies trauma.
Also, try to make contact with supportive friends and family during your healing process. Not everyone will understand what you are going through, but the ones who do will listen with patience and offer you unconditional support.
Recovering from trauma doesn't happen overnight. However, with the guidance of a caring therapist and a network of supportive friends, family, and peers, you can work towards healing, peace, and happiness.
The Power of Choice
Your recovery process starts with the power of choice. Even if you can't change the past, you can control your choices today. You can choose to heal. You can choose to establish boundaries. You can ask for the support you need. As you move forward, every decision you make, whether large or small, will help you feel more empowered. Over time, you'll see that you are regaining your strength and making choices that benefit your growth, peace, and future.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve Healing and Peace
If you’re feeling stuck in an abusive relationship or struggling to heal from past trauma, know that healing is not only possible but well-deserved. You don’t have to remain trapped in toxic patterns of shame, fear, or self-doubt. You are worthy of love, respect, and peace.
This year, instead of striving for perfection, focus on progress. Take small, meaningful steps toward healing at your own pace and honour your journey. This is the path to the life you truly deserve.
Therapy can be an important part of that healing process. Along with community support, self-help tools, and other resources, I offer professional guidance with compassion. If you’d like to explore how we might work together, I invite you to book a free breakthrough call.
Wishing you a positive, peaceful, and empowered 2025. Let me help you break free from toxic relationship patterns and emerge stronger, whole, and at peace. 💙
If you are ready to talk, you can contact me at:
kat@SafeSpaceCounsellingServices.com.au
or call me on 0452 285 526
