Why Do People Avoid Therapy?
For many people, therapy seems to be something you only do as a last resort. They may think about going to therapy when they have suffered a serious breakdown, when someone close to them has died, or when they are stuck in an abusive relationship. Others may think about therapy when life becomes too overwhelming and the problems keep piling up. But often people are reluctant to see a therapist for many reasons, often because of fear, misconceptions or the stigma surrounding mental health problems.
I have experienced this myself. When I was in my early twenties, I was struggling with some personal issues that were affecting my daily life and my relationship. I thought about seeing a therapist, but I found all the excuses I hear from others now: "I do not need therapy", "I can do it on my own" and "Therapy is too expensive". In the end, I did try it and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Looking back, it's pretty obvious that I didn’t have the resources to deal with my problems on my own, and it was only by accessing therapy that I managed to come through on the other side. In fact, my own experience with counselling inspired me to retrain as a therapist!
Today, as a therapist, I work a lot with survivors of domestic and sexual violence. Every day I see how therapy can help them recover from abuse, break out of harmful patterns and build healthier relationships. Therapy can be a lifeline for anyone recovering from childhood trauma, toxic relationships or any form of abuse.
Therapy can help not only with crises but also with coping with many other difficulties, such as loss, relationship problems, career insecurities and feeling stuck or unfulfilled. For one of my clients, therapy meant finally facing up to what they had been avoiding for so long.
Counselling can be a transformative process, but it all starts with that first step, which many find difficult. So remember: “You will repeat what you don’t fix”. If you can’t solve the recurring problems in your life, you may need someone to help you.
What is Counselling?
Counselling, sometimes called "talk therapy"," is a place where you can talk about what’s going on in your life with someone who is trained to help. A counsellor is there to listen to you, support you and guide you as you work through emotional, psychological, or relationship issues.
As a therapist, I want to help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and the struggles in your life. We’ll work together to explore patterns in your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, uncover where some of these reactions come from, and find new ways to cope or make positive changes.
We, therapists, are a highly trained bunch, and many of us specialise in particular areas and spend years honing our skills and continuing our professional development to provide the best support to our clients. If you’re ever curious about your therapist’s training and qualifications, feel free to ask - they’ll be happy to share!
So, if you are looking for help after losing a loved one look for a bereavement counsellor. If you recovering from an abusive relationship, look for a trauma-informed therapist who has experience in the area of domestic and family violence. This is the key to ensuring that you receive the right kind of help.
A good therapist will use evidence-based approaches, which means the modality they practice in is grounded in research and is proven to work. They don’t take a one-size-fits-all approach. Instead, they personalise their support to your specific situation, your needs and goals, ensuring you get the most effective care possible.
Counselling isn’t just for individuals. It can also be helpful for couples or families who want to work on improving their relationships and creating a healthier dynamic. It’s about giving you the tools and support you need to feel more in control of your life. There are many forms of therapy, depending on your particular needs and goals, but in general you are looking at:
Individual Therapy
This type of therapy focuses on personal growth and resolving specific issues, such as divorce, the loss of a loved one, or the fallout of a toxic relationship. In a one-on-one setting, you will work closely with a therapist to understand how your past affects your current situation, better understand yourself, and develop more effective coping strategies.
For survivors of domestic and sexual violence (DV and SV), individual therapy may involve:
Processing trauma. Safely exploring and making sense of your experiences.
Rebuilding self-esteem. Recognising and acknowledging your inherent worth and rediscovering your identity.
Setting boundaries. Learning how to create and maintain healthy relationships.
Couples Therapy
Couples therapy aims to improve communication between you and your partner and strengthen your relationship. It also helps to address relationship issues that may be causing conflict or disconnection between the two of you. It provides a safe space for you to:
Explore behaviour and communication patterns. It can help you to better understand the dynamics that might be contributing to the issues in your relationship.
Learn to manage conflict better. Therapy can provide you with tools and strategies to manage disagreements in healthier ways.
Rebuild trust. In therapy sessions, you can work through breaches of trust, including those caused by betrayal.
Increase Intimacy and Connection. A therapist can help you to understand each other better and develop greater empathy for each other.
However, couples therapy is not recommended in situations where there is ongoing abuse (be it physical, emotional, psychological, verbal, sexual or financial). In relationships where there is abuse, there is a power imbalance, which makes it unsafe for the victim to express their feelings openly. Therapy could also empower the abusive partner and make their behaviour worse.
In these cases, it is better for the person experiencing abuse to access individual therapy. The abusive partner may benefit from therapy if they are genuinely ready and committed to change.
Family Therapy
Family therapy aims to improve the relationships and interactions within the family. It can be valuable for the wider family including grandparents, uncles, aunts and other relatives. It helps family members to:
Address conflicts or misunderstandings. You can work with a therapist to work through issues that cause tension or discord in the family.
Manage life challenges such as separation, divorce, or a family member’s recovery (from drink or drug addiction for example).
Develop healthier dynamics by gaining a better understanding of how each person’s actions impact the family as a whole.
For people who have experienced abuse, family therapy can be key in rebuilding trust and healing the fractured relationships between individual family members.
It can also address trauma passed through generations. It is a safe space where you can explore and heal the trauma passed down from your previous generations such as alcoholism, abusive relationships, mental health issues and others.
Family therapy can be a place where you can improve communication between family members, ensuring that everyone in the family is heard. This will strengthen the connection between individual family members.
Group Therapy
Group therapy creates a space for healing by sharing your experiences. Group therapy is particularly valuable for people recovering from toxic relationships, eating disorders, substance abuse, and bereavement to name a few. In a group setting facilitated by an experienced counsellor, you can connect with others who have gone through similar struggles which can help you feel less alone and find solidarity.
For those who have survived abuse, group therapy provides validation, support, and strength.
Group members often learn practical coping skills and feel inspired by watching others overcome their challenges.
Starting the Process
Starting therapy can be scary at times, but it's one vital step into your journey of healing and growth. During the first session, you and your therapist will discuss your background, goals, and concerns that are bothering you. The first session is a good way for you to determine if the therapist is the right fit for you and whether you will be able to open up.
Over time, your time with your therapist should become a safe space where you can talk about even the most difficult feelings or experiences without fear of judgment. Whether you are looking to achieve personal growth, improve your relationships, or heal as a family, counselling can provide you with tools and strategies to help you move forward.
Counselling is a journey - sometimes a little messy, but always worth the effort.
Reasons People Avoid Therapy
Even though counselling can make a big difference, a lot of people hesitate to try it. Over the years, I’ve heard plenty of reasons why people resist, and these excuses often feel valid in the moment. Let’s explore some of the most common ones and why they tend to stick around:
“Therapy is for crazy people”
This myth is still widely believed, and it is so deeply damaging. The stigma around mental health makes people afraid to seek help because they worry it will make them seem “pathetic” or “damaged”.
But these beliefs are completely wrong because counselling is actually for anyone who is looking to grow as a person, who wants to recover from past struggles or recover from trauma. It takes a lot of strength to acknowledge that you need help and to take the first step towards healing. Therapy sessions are private, and carried out in a confidential space and a skilled therapist will create a non-judgmental space where you can feel safe and supported.
“I Don’t Need Therapy”
This is a defence mechanism that often masks deeper fears, such as the fear of change, fear of vulnerability or fear of confronting some painful truths. Many people try to convince themselves that they are fine, even when they are struggling beneath the surface.
Therapy is not just about talking about your problems. It’s also about finding solutions and creating meaningful ways to improve your life. If you genuinely don’t need therapy, a good therapist will be the first to tell you that.
Often, though, the reluctance comes from being afraid to face inner struggles. Taking that first step can feel daunting, but it’s also the start of understanding yourself, healing, and moving forward with clarity and strength.
“I Can Handle It Myself”
This belief comes from a culture that values independence and self-sufficiency. It is wonderful to be able to bounce back from life’s difficulties, but you can’t handle every challenge on your own. Therapy can offer you not only a new perspective but also equip you with the tools and strategies to navigate life problems more competently.
Even the most self-aware people can benefit from counselling. Seeking therapy is not a sign of weakness; it is a way of trying to become a better, more authentic version of yourself.
“Therapy is Too Expensive”
When it comes to spending, it often reflects your values. Many people have no problem investing in holidays, hobbies, or gifts for loved ones. They prioritise their children’s needs without hesitation. But when it comes to spending on their own mental health, it suddenly feels harder to justify.
Here’s the truth: therapy is an investment in you. Weekly therapy sessions over a few months can lead to long-term, life-changing improvements. If finances are tight, there are affordable options, like community clinics, non-profit organisations, or online therapy platforms that offer sliding-scale fees.
Let me share a story. A friend of mine made the difficult decision to sell her engagement ring to pay for therapy. That choice gave her the strength to leave an abusive relationship. Over time, she found a fulfilling job, rebuilt her self-confidence, and even bought herself a new ring - a symbol of the life she was able to create for herself and her children.
Of course, I’m not suggesting you sell your possessions to afford therapy! That was an extreme example. But it’s a reminder of how deeply transformative prioritising your mental health can be. You’re worth the investment.
“I’m Not Sick, So Why Do I Need Therapy?”
Many people think therapy is only for those who are dealing with a major crisis or mental illness. But that’s not true. You don’t have to wait until your life feels like it’s falling apart to ask for help.
Think of therapy as a form of preventive care - like going to the doctor for a check-up before things get serious. Addressing smaller issues now can help you avoid bigger, more overwhelming challenges down the road.
Counselling also gives you the opportunity to heal from past wounds, unlock your full potential, and create the life you truly want. It’s not about being “sick,” but about becoming your best self.
Why Therapy Can Change Your Life
Counselling isn’t about “fixing” you because you’re not broken. It’s about helping you to understand yourself better, it is about helping you to break free from unhelpful patterns in your life and giving you the tools that can help you to navigate life’s ups and downs more effectively.
One of my clients said something once that I will always remember, “Therapy didn’t change who I am. It reminded me of who I’ve always been” (Thank you S. You put it so beautifully!). That is what I like to see in my counselling room. I can’t erase the past, I can’t wave a magic wand to make all your struggles disappear but I can give you the tools to face them head-on with strength, better clarity, and self-compassion.
If you are sitting on the fence thinking about whether to go to therapy, I would say do it. I know that it might feel intimidating at first, but trust me when I say that if you put in the time and effort, it will lead you to a place of growth, healing, and possibilities. Therapy isn’t about just getting by. It is about thriving and discovering a version of yourself that you might have forgotten existed.
Ready to take the first step? Contact me at:
📧 Email me at kat@safespacecounsellingservices.com.au
📞 Call or text: 0452 285 526
