When Money Becomes Control: Recognising Financial Abuse
Financial abuse often starts invisible until you find yourself completely dependent on your partner.
If you’ve found yourself questioning your own choices, doubting whether you’re “allowed” to make a purchase, or feeling guilty over spending your own money, you’re not alone. Financial abuse can look like someone you love and trust having too much say over your finances. It might feel like you’re “playing it safe” or “not rocking the boat,” but over time, it can leave you feeling trapped, isolated, and afraid to make even the smallest financial decisions on your own.
In Australia, financial abuse affects 15.7% of women, and sadly, it doesn’t always stop when the relationship ends. Financial abuse often comes from those closest to us - partners, ex-partners, and even adult children or family members - and can impact anyone, regardless of age, income, or background. If this sounds familiar, I want you to know: you are not imagining things, and this is not your fault.
Let’s explore what financial abuse can look like and how to begin reclaiming your independence.
Financial abuse is control that goes beyond the wallet.
How Financial Abuse Shows Up in Everyday Life
Financial abuse can be subtle, making it hard to spot right away. It often unfolds over time, hidden beneath concern or “helpfulness,” until it creates a pattern that feels impossible to break. Here are some common ways financial abuse can show up, even in relationships that don’t appear abusive at first glance:
Limiting Your Ability to Work or Study. Abusers often restrict your access to a job, education, or personal growth by “encouraging” you to stay home, guilt-tripping you about how much time you spend outside the house, or even refusing to help with household responsibilities. These tactics keep you financially dependent, which makes it harder to leave.
Controlling Your Access to Money. They may limit what you can spend on essentials like groceries, clothing, or healthcare. They may even “take care of” finances and leave you with little access to cash, credit cards, or accounts in your name. You might feel like you’re asking permission to spend money on basics, as though you’re being “monitored.”
Undermining Your Financial Independence. You might be encouraged to hand over access to your bank accounts or pressured to take out loans or credit cards in your name but for their expenses. In some cases, an abuser may hide or withhold money that’s meant for essentials, like child support, groceries, or bills, adding a financial burden on you.
Damaging Your Credit Report. In more overt cases, financial abuse can damage your credit or savings. The abuser might pressure you to co-sign loans, take out new policies, or even withdraw money from your accounts without telling you. This can destroy your financial future, making it difficult to rent, buy a home, or even access credit if you choose to leave.
Recognising the Signs of Financial Abuse
Because financial abuse isn’t always physical or obvious, it can be confusing. You may start wondering if you’re overreacting or even doubt yourself, especially if the person who’s controlling your finances is someone you care about. Trust your gut if you feel uncomfortable or restricted.
Signs to look out for:
Pressuring You to Hand Over Money or Credit. Are you being asked to take out loans, credit cards, or cash withdrawals, even if you’re uncomfortable with it?
Limiting Your Financial Choices. Does the person pressure you to hand over your bank details or control your accounts, so they can monitor what you spend and on what?
Spending Your Money. Have they taken over your finances under the guise of “helping,” only to use your money for things you didn’t agree on?
Forcing Financial Commitments. Are they signing you up for credit, loans, or insurance policies you wouldn’t have chosen yourself?
Guilt-Trip Shopping. Do they “offer” to do your shopping or pay bills, but then don’t do it, leaving you without resources?
Demanding Financial Transparency. Are you being made to “prove” your spending, justifying every purchase as if you’re accountable to them?
If you’ve noticed these patterns, you may be experiencing financial abuse. These behaviours can be subtle, sometimes “masked” as helpfulness, but ultimately, they’re about control.
Financial Abuse Doesn’t Always End with Separation
For many people, financial abuse doesn’t stop when the relationship ends. In fact, it can escalate. Post-separation financial abuse is a tactic abusers often use to maintain control, especially when they can no longer influence you directly. Despite being physically separated, an abuser may continue to manipulate finances, knowing it can keep you feeling trapped or powerless even after the relationship ends.
Here are some ways post-separation financial abuse might appear:
Withholding Child or Spousal Support. A common tactic is to delay, underpay, or refuse to pay court-ordered child support or spousal maintenance. This can create financial instability, making it difficult for you to provide for your children or establish independence. Some abusers even manipulate their income, underreporting earnings or switching jobs frequently to avoid consistent payments.
Using Shared Debts Against You. If you had joint accounts, credit cards, or loans during the relationship, an abuser might continue to run up charges or default on payments, impacting your credit score and saddling you with debt. This tactic can make it hard for you to qualify for loans, housing, or even basic credit on your own.
Controlling Shared Assets and Superannuation. In Australia, Superannuation (or “Super”) is an important part of financial security in retirement, and it can become a significant area of post-separation financial abuse. An abuser might try to hide, undervalue, or prevent fair division of Superannuation assets, creating financial insecurity for their ex-partner in the long term. Seeking legal support can help protect your rights to an equitable share of these funds, which can be vital for future financial stability.
Misusing Financial Assets like Dowries. Dowries can turn into a type of financial control when they are used to manipulate, make demands, or cause financial stress on a family, usually the bride's family. This is particularly common in cultures where dowries are the norm, but the way it is done can differ greatly. There might be excessive demands and pressure put on the bride’s family. Family members sometimes ask for a large dowry from the bride's family, often more than they can afford. Or there might be continued financial demands after marriage. The husband or his family may keep asking for more money or gifts even after the wedding. They might threaten to leave the bride, harm her, or disgrace her publicly if their demands aren't met.
Sometimes, if the dowry isn't enough or demands aren't met, threats of divorce, abuse, or violence may be used to force the bride's family to give more.
Restricting Access to Financial Accounts. Even if you’ve taken steps to separate your finances, some abusers find ways to restrict or monitor your accounts. For instance, they might refuse to remove your name from certain accounts, making it hard to close them, or could have access to sensitive information that could allow them to control or manipulate finances remotely.
Claiming Joint Assets as Their Own. In some cases, abusers take possession of jointly owned property, such as a car, or remove assets from shared accounts before the separation is finalized. They may even forge your signature on legal documents to access funds, withdraw savings, or alter the terms of an agreement without your knowledge.
Sabotaging Your Employment or Career Prospects. Post-separation, some abusers may attempt to harm your financial stability by interfering with your ability to work. They may show up at your workplace, harass you through calls or messages, or spread damaging rumours that can impact your career and earning potential. In some cases, abusers try to manipulate or control your professional reputation as a way to prevent you from moving on independently.
Rebuilding After Post-Separation Financial Abuse
Post-separation financial abuse can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re working to build a stable, independent life. This form of abuse often feels like it reaches beyond what’s “fair” or “reasonable,” causing frustration and making the path to freedom seem even steeper. But some strategies and resources can help you take back control, one step at a time.
Seeking legal advice to protect your assets and enforce support payments can be an essential step in this process. Additionally, working with a financial counsellor can offer guidance on restoring your credit, managing debt, and rebuilding financial stability. Support organizations like Women’s Legal Services in Australia can offer free or low-cost legal advice specific to financial abuse cases.
If you feel affected by any of these issues and want to discuss ways to protect yourself, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Rebuilding after financial abuse is a journey, and having someone to walk alongside you can make all the difference.
The Emotional and Practical Toll of Financial Abuse
Financial abuse doesn’t just affect your bank account - it reaches deep into your sense of self, your confidence, and your ability to make decisions. Most people who face financial abuse experience additional forms of abuse, like emotional manipulation or even physical violence. It’s no coincidence: 95% of people who suffer domestic abuse also experience some form of financial or economic control.
Financial abuse can cause you to feel powerless and dependent, creating the sense that leaving would be too difficult or even impossible. Many women leaving abusive relationships find themselves facing the stark reality of starting from scratch, sometimes with nothing. They may face overwhelming debts, poor credit, or no financial safety net. Even the idea of regaining control over your finances may seem daunting when financial abuse has made you question your own judgment.
But here’s what I want you to remember: regaining your power, one step at a time, is possible. You are capable of rebuilding, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.
Financial Abuse vs. Economic Abuse: What’s the Difference?
Financial abuse and economic abuse are closely related, and people often use these terms interchangeably. However, understanding the difference between the two can help identify the ways an abuser might limit your independence and self-sufficiency. Both forms of abuse are about exerting control, but each focuses on different aspects of economic power.
Financial Abuse specifically refers to the direct manipulation or control of a person’s finances. This type of abuse involves restricting access to money, misusing funds, taking control of bank accounts, or pressuring someone to make financial decisions against their will. Financial abuse often involves things like:
Forcing someone to hand over control of their bank accounts or credit cards.
Restricting access to cash or other funds, like Social Security benefits or paychecks.
Running up debt in someone else’s name or ruining their credit.
These tactics are designed to create dependency, limiting the victim’s access to resources and making it harder for them to leave or make independent financial decisions.
Economic Abuse, on the other hand, is broader. It encompasses not only financial abuse but also includes control over other resources that affect economic stability. This might include restricting someone’s ability to work, sabotaging their career, or preventing them from accessing education and training. Economic abuse may look like:
Refusing to allow someone to work or preventing them from getting a job.
Interfering with or sabotaging a person’s work or education, like showing up at their workplace or college.
Controlling access to basic needs, such as food, housing, transportation, or healthcare.
Economic abuse aims to create an environment where the victim feels they have no financial security outside of the relationship. By limiting access to both immediate resources (like money) and opportunities (like a job or education), abusers ensure their partners have fewer options, making them feel trapped and unable to leave.
Why the Distinction Matters
Knowing the difference between financial and economic abuse can help you recognise when you are being controlled in ways that aren’t always obvious. Financial abuse might be the more visible aspect, involving clear-cut acts like taking money or denying access to funds. Economic abuse can be more subtle and pervasive, limiting opportunities and resources over time until the victim feels entirely reliant on the abuser.
Understanding both forms of abuse can also aid in planning a pathway to freedom. Breaking free from financial and economic control often requires different strategies. For instance, financial abuse might involve legal steps to reclaim stolen funds or property, while economic abuse might require support in finding employment, housing, or educational opportunities.
Finding Freedom from Financial Abuse
Taking those first steps to regain control can be intimidating. Maybe it feels easier to let things stay as they are, or maybe you’re afraid of what might happen if you try to make a change. These feelings are natural, and you don’t have to face this alone.
There are organizations in Australia, such as 1800RESPECT, Good Shepherd financial counselling, and community-based support groups, that can help you explore your options and take concrete steps. Many people have been in your position, and they’re here to guide you through financial counselling, emotional support, and practical help for transitioning into financial independence.
Working with a therapist who understands the impact of financial abuse can be an essential part of this journey. Therapy can offer a safe space to unpack the emotional and psychological toll of financial abuse, while we work together to find practical strategies for moving forward.
You Are Not Alone
Breaking free from financial abuse might feel like an enormous step, but each small action toward reclaiming your independence matters. Healing is possible, and so is the life you envision for yourself - a life where your choices, financial and otherwise, belong to you.
If this resonates with you, know that support is available. I’m here to listen, to understand what you’re experiencing, and to help you find a way forward. Financial abuse might be hidden, but you don’t have to go through it in silence. If you’d like to explore your options and start taking steps toward a life of freedom and choice, please feel free to reach out.
If you would like to talk to me, please do not hesitate to contact me here.
